It was one of those stupid things where there are 6 billion things you have rate yourself on.
Did I think is was average, above average, outstanding, below average, well below average or suck so badly I'm in the "find a new career category"?
I seriously couldn't be bothered actually thinking about where I really thought I was and grading myself for each criteria, it's just another jump through the hoops exercise.
I asked a couple of Junior but more senior than me Drs in the department what they though I should do, and was told "everyone just ticks the middle boxes for everything" so I did.
Then it was time for my interview.
I thought this would be a time where I would get some honest, practical feedback and constructive criticism.
Being a new Dr has been terrifying, humiliating, a steep learning curve and so bad for my self esteem. I was really hoping I would have a performance appraisal where they told me something I did well, discussed areas I could improve in and then finished with another positive note...nope!
He ticked every box, right down the middle, just as I had done and said we are happy with you.
I thought this would be a time where I would get some honest, practical feedback and constructive criticism.
Being a new Dr has been terrifying, humiliating, a steep learning curve and so bad for my self esteem. I was really hoping I would have a performance appraisal where they told me something I did well, discussed areas I could improve in and then finished with another positive note...nope!
He ticked every box, right down the middle, just as I had done and said we are happy with you.
GREAT!! I don't suck! But what are you happy with what can I improve on, I wanted to ask but was afraid to, then came the BUT...we are happy with you BUT........
You just know that anything which comes next is never going to be good.
So what was it?
BUT...you killed someone?
BUT....you don't know one end of a stethoscope from another?
BUT....I'd never want you to look after my relative?
BUT....your documentation is so bad you WILL be sued and no one will defend you?
BUT....you don't know one end of a stethoscope from another?
BUT....I'd never want you to look after my relative?
BUT....your documentation is so bad you WILL be sued and no one will defend you?
Nope. None of those things.
The BUT was....when I first arrived...they thought I was a bit loud. I'm sorry?
I beg your pardon? I don't think I heard that, could you please repeat what you said?
The BUT was....when I first arrived...they thought I was a bit loud. I'm sorry?
I beg your pardon? I don't think I heard that, could you please repeat what you said?
"Tracey, when you first arrived here we thought you were bit loud, and wondered, what on earth do we have here?"
You can't be serious? Out of all the things they could make comment on it's not my skills and knowledge as a junior doctor BUT my volume control!
I walked out of the interview wondering if my boss had on OFF switch I could flick.
I walked out of the interview wondering if my boss had on OFF switch I could flick.
Don't worry about it, it's just because they can't think of anything particularly useful to tell you to improve on. As an intern I got told to not get 'too involved in patient care'. It's not as though I was doing all the jobs that the rest of the team does. I was doing the junior doctor's job. Mid-term assessments - take them with a grain of salt. If you want some good feedback, ask some of the senior registrars for honest feedback.
ReplyDeleteI TOO AM SOMETIMES LOUD. And others I am soft. IT IS EXCEPTIONALLY DIFFICULT to find one's volume that is acceptable to all. However, I have found with my grey hair, soft is usually better. And you are naturally soft anyway. It will all work out. It usually does. One just needs to have PATIENCE. (Patients will be abound.)
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